Monday, 5 August 2013

Alice in Wonderland Costume

So, today wasn't really a good day.

I don't think I'll talk about it much since I don't want to remember it. I'll probably remember it anyway. It's etched on my mind like a tattoo. For now.

At least I looked cute today.

Down the Rabbit Hole.
“I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir. Because I am not myself, you see?” 
“It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
Alice in Wonderland has played a big part of my life.

Look at me wearing this exact same suit two years ago: (For Halloween!)





And look at my friends wearing it~ (This was for my small film exam in Media Studies)




Alice in Wonderland has really played a big part in my life. I love the story. I love the dresses. I love the movie. I love the quotes - everything. So magical :)

I just know it's going to play an even bigger part somehow. I just don't know when.

Till a next happier time,

xoxo Sally

Monday, 15 July 2013

Keep Your Eyes Open

So, for some reason, today Rebecca said "Eyes open" in the bus today and Taylor Swift's Eyes Open song got stuck in my head. .... It's still stuck.


Everybody's waiting, for you to breakdown 
Everybody's watching, to see the fallout 
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping 
Keep your e-eyes open 
Keep your e-eyes open

I feel like this accurately depicts my life right now. No, not right now. But constantly. Always. I don't know when, but life has suddenly morphed into a ever changing battle for me. It's do or die, it's kill and survive. I don't know if I've mentioned this before but ever since the age of 12, I've always had recurring dreams of being in a Hunger Games style arena, where I have to kill other people in the sake of my survival. Obviously, it's not exactly like Hunger Games, but the concept is there. Sometimes the "arena" is just in a small flat with other occupants. Sometimes the "arena" is a huge building... or across train tracks. It can be anywhere. But it is always filled with competitors, and I'm always dead frightened in the dream.

I always think I'll die first in the dream - yes, I have THAT little faith in myself. But usually, I always end up killing someone else first, and I can feel my knife going through them as I stab them in the gut. It's always done out of pure accident, so I never mean to kill them (and I don't want to kill them) but my survival instincts just... I don't know. Something just happens and I don't control my hands.

Sometimes the dreams end before I die. Sometimes even before the dream ends, I'm dead. I lie down on the ground and watch others as I bleed to death. I know, scary, right? But I got used to it over the years.

Sometimes I'm the only one in the "arena". Sometimes I can be the only one at home, trying to fight off a huge monster on my own. But there will always be a personal demon after me, something that will target for me. And I will have to kill it on my own.

At first, when I first started having these dreams, I was too afraid to do anything. Often than not, I just lay there to die or I just ran (which happened more frequently). Over the years, I got used to it. I started standing up for myself in my dreams. I started fighting back, I started yelling at my personal demons, and I started protecting myself. 

I don't know if this signifies any change in real life or not. And maybe now that I think about it - yeah. I'm more protective of my heart. I'm growing up. And I will not be afraid to be unkind, if you use my kindness.

Back on topic. Eyes Open - I actually talked about my dreams to a counsellor before, and she was like, "Have you ever thought it was because you started getting the pressure and stress of studying from then on?" Maybe, but I doubt it was academic related. I find the cause is more personal... more close to the heart.

I feel like that in Mass Communications now. This is the school where they weed out the best of the best who are good in this field and everyone comes together to study the same things... and fight for the same GPA. Lately, I've been made to feel like... nothing, to put it. I'm nothing special. Back in secondary school, I always found it easier to stand out. I was good at the things I did, and I always won awards for those things. Now I'm fighting with people of my own level to win those awards. And they seem to be doing all the right things to get it. Now I'm just average. Now I'm just like all the others.

I feel like I always have to keep my eyes open. I feel like I have to be ready, on my feet, for everything that comes my way. I have to be greedy. I have to stand up for myself alot. I have to always protect and shield myself, because everyone else is waiting. For me to fall. For someone else to fall. And they are waiting for an opportunity to trample over you... They will not let a chance go away.

I have to keep my eyes open. I have to be on my guard. These are my friends... But when we grow up, we're all going to be fighting for the same career field. There's not enough. I have to be better than them. I have to be more than enough.

When can I start to feel special and unique again?

I don't want to just be a rat trapped in this dead rat chase. I don't want to be stuck in a cycle forever. I want to be back to the good old times where I seemed so perfect in everything. I want to be the Sally I know again. I have to start giving my all more. I have to stop getting so complacent. I have to start being the person I'd always know myself to be... I have to start being the person I want to be.

On a side note, I just received a letter from my secondary school today.

I got invited back to my secondary school for Thanksgiving ceremony. That's when they give out awards to all the top scholars last year.

I forgot that I topped Media Studies last year. This came as a pleasant surprise... My dad saw that I had received an envelope from my secondary school and I think he freaked out a little hahaha. No dad, they're not sending letters to complain about me. I won something!

In my old blog, I remember talking about how me and Cassandra were having our break during Additional Mathematics in school one day, and we just passed by the scholars name list outside the staff room. We were like, oh, we wonder how it'd feel to have our names on that list. Then suddenly, a P.E teacher came out, Mrs Tseng, and she asked us if our names were on the list. We laughed nervously and said no. She then smiled and said to us, "It's okay! No worries, you guys can get another chance this year. Just work hard and next year you'll see your names on it!" We laughed it off and thanked her before rushing off. Obviously we didn't think it would happen.

But now my name is on that list. And it's so strange, to think that last year, I had just been looking at that exact same name list with Cassandra. We were just standing, laughing, looking at it. Wondering how it would feel with our names on it. And now, right at this moment, other students are probably in my same position, standing and looking at the name list.

And they're going to be looking at my name there. And they're going to wish they'd have the exact same chance to win something.

Talking about this makes me so teary lol. Sometimes I can't believe I've come so far. In secondary school, I never thought I would amount to anything. I was good at things and I won stuff but I never thought I was good enough for anything. And it's funny how sometimes life works in mysterious ways and gives you what you want, a year later. It takes time.... but they give it to you eventually. You just have to work hard for it. You're okay. I'm okay. I'm perfect. I just have to wait, work hard. Sometimes things take a longer period of time to amount to anything. And I took a year, but it was okay. It went okay.

Sometimes I have to stop discrediting myself so much. I got good grades for my O Levels and I landed myself a spot in my dream course - the course I've been dreaming about for the past 2 years. I worked hard for this, with only one dream in mind. I know what I want to do in life. I'm better than most people in that - I know my goals and I already have a plan set out for me. I have to go to New York eventually, and I have to be the journalist I always wanted to be.

I'm not just someone that's standing by that's never going to amount to anything.

I'm something.

The tricky thing
Is yesterday we were just children
Playing soldiers, just pretending
Dreaming dreams with happy endings
In backyards
Winning battles with our wooden swords
But now we've stepped into a cruel world
Where everybody stands and
Keeps score

Today, me and my IS group mates finally managed to complete 3/4 of our IS group documentary!!! So happy, when we've delayed this for weeks. This is me with the stickgirl Charissa made for me, yay! I'm wearing a bow.


It was nice ranting all of this out. Now I need to study my Social Psychology. And I'm going to do it well!

Till next time...

Keep your eyes open xx


Saturday, 13 July 2013

Letting go

Just today I fought with one of the few important people in my life.

I'm not really sure if she's important anymore, or if it's because we've been through so many things together that I just can't let go anymore. I can't bear to let go of her, our memories, our happy moments, our sad moments, our disjoint heart. We've been through so many things together that sometimes I don't even believe it; and I feel myself forgetting, slowly, slowly, bit by bit, every single thing we've done together. I can remember recent ones but they're all in bits and pieces, and they're all so choppy it's hard to piece them altogether to form a continuous timeline. I can remember the first time we talked and I can remember the first time we fought. I can remember the first time I cried and I can remember the first time I told her to die. I can remember many of our first's, but I don't even know if she remembers any.

We always fight but we never let go. I guess some relationships just thrive on conflict; just like how ours do. I have related so many songs to her and she used to be the only thing that gave me a reason to wake up in the morning for.

Lately, however, we've been drifting apart and I find myself too busy to entertain thoughts of her anymore. Either that, or I'm too heartbroken to. She's getting too busy for me, too.

Which leads me to the point:

When do you know when to let go? How do you know when to let go? What if you can't let go? Even if you verbally say you can?


I think I can leave her, but I probably will never forget about her. She's precious and our memories are precious and everything is precious thorough and thorough. And despite all of her shortcomings, she's a good, beautiful person underneath everything.

And as much as I threaten to break and cut her off and as much as I say I hate her, I probably will never. We've since resolved our fight today but I feel like it's not going to be the last fight we'll have. We'll have many more and slowly, slowly, I'll lose the will to gradually fight for this anymore.

We're all growing up and we're all maturing slowly, slowly, into people we'll eventually be. She was a crucial part of my growing up and she helped me understand many things.

I reflect as much into her as much as she reflects into me.

But does she know this?

曾经听过这样的一句话,一直都很感动。世界上最遥远的距离不是天涯海角,是我就在你面前,你不知道我爱你。


Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Bleached my hair

A few days ago I bleached my hair!!! (Yes I did it myself.)

Honestly I thought it wasn't going to turn out well because firstly, it was my first time dyeing my hair on my home using a home bleach kit and secondly, I always suck at these things hahaha.

BUT. IT TURNED OUT PRETTY WELL. I missed out some parts of my roots but it's okay, I think I did a pretty good job for a first timer anyway.

Here are some pictures of my hair!!!! I can't stop camwhoring it out. I love being blonde so much ;~; I'm never going back to red. lol. NEVER. (for now.)




These pictures are from today! 


Me and Louie making funny faces.

My OOTD in Frederick's bathroom hahaha.

Top: Barbie, Uniqlo
Skirt: Shibuya 109
My shoes!!! I got them from MARUI ONE in Shinjuku :D Love them <3

So, today I received many compliments on my blonde hair hahaha. The nice guy friend commented again and said he liked my hair. EEeeeeee!!! ^___^ Lol and Frederick (my other guy friend) said I looked like some bimbo cheerleader and he wanted to give me some pom-poms hahaha. Rebecca said I'm Barbie today ehehehe.

I was buying drinks at the drink stall and asked politely for ice milo. The auntie at the stall imitated my voice in a super act-cute manner and laughed at me T___T And said I looked just like a doll.

Today I was also able to exchange more than a few sentences with Frederick's friend hahaha. So weird, considering I don't usually talk to him. But it felt nice to be able to know my friend's friend.

ALSO. Highlight of the day: It was seeing this guy I liked at the bus stop hahaha. He's my friend (Niko)'s SC and I so happened to be with Niko, so he walked over and said hi. AND IT WAS SO AWKWARD BUT HE IS /SO/ CUTE OMG. Hahaha I find too many guys cute. But yeah, he was the first person I really liked around here in school (though I've gotten over that crush already) I'm too busy for these stuff. Lol. Totally not cut out.

He keeps asking about me lately though!!!! Like Niko tells me that he always asks her to tell him if I talk about him to her. And he wonders if I still like him or not. Lmao. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up hahaha but he's so cute. AND WHY IS HE SO CURIOUS ABOUT ME SUDDENLY. Whyyyyyyy. Hmmm. Anyway, I'm just tossing these evil thoughts aside. I don't have so much time to get my hopes up and have them get broken again lol.

My projects just keep piling up and up and my schoolwork is never ending. I really hope I get to do everything well. I just feel like I'm not giving my all enough into everything I'm doing and I'm just.. getting by. I hate feeling this way.

Saturday, 6 July 2013

Humiliating experiences.

So, yesterday, I went out for dinner with Hannah at Nex after class and we talked about a lot of crap hahaha. But most importantly, Hannah told me a few funny moments in her life so far. Since we're in different courses/schools now, it's a bit harder to keep in touch, but we still see each other at least once a week anyway, every wednesday during Acapella practice. So she told me about her (non existent) love life, we talked about how guys are generally jerks (of course there are also the nice ones) and then she told me how she was telling her father how she only attracted the weird guys.

Hannah: Daddy, I only attract all the weird guys!
Hannah's Father: No, Hannah, you attract ALL guys!

I LAUGHED SO HARD HAHAHAHA firstly, you guys should know that Hannah's father is super holy and fatherly and very sweet and doting hahaha. He's super optimistic, especially about Hannah, and I can just imagine Hannah face palming as she got that reply from her dad. HAHAAHAHAHA. I need a father like that. I mean, my father would never say such a thing to me. Hell, if I said I couldn't attract any guy, he'd say to me, "All the better" lol My father's strangely possessive in a way that he really doesn't want me to be touched by anyone else.

Another experience. We somehow went on to talk about tuition groups and centres (considering we sat right outside a tuition centre to hobo and eat and talk) and Hannah was like, "I've never been to tuition groups like these. Except for once. That was in primary one." And then she went on to say, "That was the most humiliating experience of my life."

So, guess what happened?

Apparently, Hannah went to a math tuition group just below her flat void deck for some tuition classes. She got humiliated right on the first lesson. The teacher asked her to answer some math fraction question on the board, and it was presumably a quite easy one, but Hannah couldn't answer it. Apparently the rest of the kids in the tuition group were all really smart and top students from top schools, and they joined the tuition for the sake of being kiasu (afraid to lose mentality) and not because they were bad. On the other hand, Hannah really needed the tuition and was bad at math. So what happened? Hannah couldn't answer the question on the board, and the teacher was like, "Hannah! Such an easy question and you can't even answer it? Are you serious? Blablablabla more humiliating words"

That's okay, you know. But what's even more comical is that, at the end of the lesson, when the teacher gave out homework to all of them, the teacher told Hannah, "Hannah, are you sure you can do this homework?" And the rest of the students in class chirped in unison, "No, she can't!"

........

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA I'M REALLY SORRY BUT I LAUGHED OUT LOUD SO HARD AT THAT. CAN YOU IMAGINE Hannah's face. It must be priceless. Like "What the fuck did I just sign up for?!?!?!? I came here to learn and not be humiliated!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!"

Hahaha and to add on to it, Hannah said that she was a poor small little girl with nerdy glasses on and she already felt bad about her appearance, and now they were making her feel bad about math too. Overall, the worst humiliation of her life. In the end she went home and never went for that tuition group again.

She says the tuition teacher got his payback, though. Not long after she stopped going for lessons, the tuition centre closed down due to lack of students. The tuition teacher was the only teacher there, the only driver, the cashier etc all in one. So, basically, he couldn't fund himself. So funny hahahaha

I was like, "Oh, Hannah, now I know why you act the way you are now" HAHAAHAHAH I meant it as a joke though. Hannah's like, "I got traumatised for life! Can you imagine how young I was only then?"

Poor Hannah.

Well, as for me, what is my most humiliating experience in life so far? ..... I can't think of any as bad as that. I mean, I probably had many humiliating experiences, I probably just tossed it to the back of my brain to never be remembered again lol. Who wants to remember things like that anyway?

I don't think I ever got traumatised, though. Or maybe I'm already traumatised to the point that I can't even remember any anymore. Hahaha.

(As I'm typing this, I'm waiting for the bleach to settle into my hair. I'm going to wash it off in 10 minutes!!! Can't wait.)

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Men with Chivalry

I've been in a girls' school for ten years of my life.

Ever since coming to a mixed school, I realised something - guys are either really gentlemenly to the point that it's unbelievable, or they are real dicks. There is no in between.


Some guys really make me question humanity. Like, "do guys with chivalry exist anymore? Do they? Or do they just exist in fairytales?" Like, what the hell. I'm not expecting a guy to pay for all of my meals every time or to slip on a glass slipper for me - but all I'm asking for is basic courtesy, or basic politeness, especially to girls. For example, holding open a door for me as I walk in. But if you think that's too much, even for a guy, (though I expect you to hold the door open for me if you're the first one to enter EVEN if you are a girl) then let's contemplate another issue -

Guys making remarks about girls. OKAY. Firstly, I really hate it when guys objectify women. But then again, guys can say that I'm having double standards here because we girls judge guys on looks or their body too. OK. So I won't mention about it. But I've come to realise that guys don't really care whether you, as a girl, are present or not when they are talking about guy affairs. By guy affairs I mean "let's rate that girl /10". They can openly discuss which girls they find hot, and judge their bodies and rate it according to their... expectations.


If that's not the epitome of objectifying, I don't know what is.

But I understand. We girls talk about how cute guys are all the time - so nevermind, maybe rating girls in front of girls itself isn't really THAT bad of a thing.

However, I think you guys cross the line when you make bad remarks about girls. When you insult her weight. Once you call her fat, there's no taking anything back. She's going to cry and lament about it for the rest of her life and she'll never look at herself the same way again. So guys, can you please watch your words sometimes?!

This is not to say that I've been called fat. No, on the contrary, I've become more self-conscious of... my... apparently thin self. Guys are constantly talking about how they don't like thin girls, and then on a separate day, they casually remark that I'm really thin, and then it leads me to think.

Wow, this is no different from calling me fat, isn't it.


It's basically objectifying women. AGAIN. But, that isn't the point. The point is, I'm feeling bad about myself now, about my weight, about how supposedly skinny I look. I don't control it, I don't control any part of myself. I can't help it if I eat the same amount of things as you and it has no effect on me. And anyway, I'm not that thin, but they make me sound like I'm the most anorexic person... ever... on earth?! And I'm being made to feel bad about my body just because .... I don't suit their expectations?!


I hate it when people make me feel bad about something - I hate it. Especially if it's a part of me and I'm meant to feel pride in my own body. Because guys like these exist, this is why girls end up becoming the way they are. Depressed. Suicidal. Bulimic. Anorexic.

Obviously I'm not THAT depressed over my weight or looks, I don't really care anyway. If I'm going to be marrying someone, it's probably not someone (or any one of them) that care about my body or looks or weight. It's going to be someone that cares for me wholeheartedly and doesn't care about whatever I weigh. I'm sorry I'm too thin for you. And I'm sorry I'm too fat for you. But I don't give a damn. What I really don't like is the momental shock and hurt that I feel upon realising their comments and intention. They don't say it outrightly, but I know what their thoughts of me are. And it hurts, weirdly, in a way that I'm not supposed to care, but I do.

Don't worry, I've gotten over it, though. I do like the way I am right now and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Me.
Anyway, enough about men with no chivalry. I know the worst guy in the world and he expects girls to be perfect for him, when he isn't perfect himself. I really find it strange - how guys want the hottest girls on the block when they don't even deserve that type of ideal girl. They can't even take care of their girl [friends]. FRIENDS. They don't even know how to treat their friends. Jesus christ. They want to get a girlfriend? A hot one, at that? I'm sorry, but looks can only get you so far.

On to men with chivalry. So, today, a guy I met through mutual friends with said sweetly to me that my hair looked extra pretty today, and he asked if I had done something to it. Can you imagine my surprise and shock and happiness???? I mean, a girl always loves being complimented. I got so happy! I mean, he's someone that I never expected would compliment me, and it's not that I harbour any feelings for him, but if any guy you know unexpectedly compliments you you'd feel extra happy. It just means something, like you did something to catch their attention. And they noticed it.

Not that I did it for the guys though???? I just randomly decided to tie my hair up today and I thought I looked rather ugly in it, in fact, until his unexpected compliment threw me off guard and lit up the rest of my day :) He's a really nice guy and he always remembers to say hi to me whenever he sees me, wherever. He's one of those people who won't pretend not to know you - he'll always recognise you, always acknowledge you, and is a perfect gentlemen. I absolutely love it. And as I sat down the table with my tray of food, he helped pull out my chair for me and tidy the table for me. It's amazing. Just this simple act of kindness/gentlemenly-ness is enough to make my whole day.

And it really made me think, maybe chivalry DOES exist with men at this time and age after all.

And now I feel like tying my hair all the time now. Ahahahaha.

Anyway.

So today during lunch I also just found out that my classmate (who I thought was straight this whole time) was bisexual and he was actually together with his best guy friend, who I also thought was... straight. ........ I mean, I always assumed the both of them were just extra close best friends. They were couple tees all the time and I thought it was just something to poke fun of them of - until my classmate suddenly revealed his relationship status to me and showed me a picture of him and his boyfriend kissing on his phone wallpaper. I didn't believe it for the first hour lol until the hours dragged by and I realised the lie couldn't be false with so much details.

Lou (my friend lol) was super curious and kept asking him details about his sex life hahaha It totally put wrong images in my brain. Half the time I was like "Am I in a yaoi manga right now, is this the real life or is this just fantasy lol" like wth hahahaha I didn't expect to actually know a gay couple in real life. Not that I have anything against it though, I'm totally pro-gay and pro-gay marriage. Everyone can love whoever they like, as long as they don't marry a car or something. I mean, that's taking it abit too far. Please love at least a human lol

Alright so..... What was I talking about again. Right. So today I went for Acapella club practice after missing it last week (I got sick last week) and it was... fun I guess? I mean, singing's always fun.


Apparently, my group is doing I Hate This Part Right Here by Nicole Scherzinger for our next practice! And I'm singing the lead vocals. I'm dead terrified right now because I don't even know if I can hit the high notes lol Practice makes perfect I guess. But I love singing so much, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I just hope I'm good enough to impress Joe (our Acapella conductor) next week ;~;

Also there's this really cute guy in Acapella that I've been noticing for awhile now lol. At first I thought he looked really feminine but now I think he's just cute. He really looks just like Wang Zi from Bang Bang Tang (aka Lollipop, a Taiwanese boy group) and he's sooooo cute. Hannah says that he looks just like a female butch though. T____T


Yeah he looks exactly like that! I first spotted him when he was wearing a gay pink shirt lol. It was interesting. Hannah was laughing so much at him. I think his looks are gradually growing on me. He's really cute gahaahaha. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. Hannah likes my classmate/friend Frederick and it's so funny because she saw him only for like 5 seconds so far and she says he's cute lol. I mean he's cute, but.... meh. He looks too one direction-y for me gahahaha. And he has a freaking fanclub for himself in our school and everything. He's way too mainstream for me.

((I wonder how my Wang Zi lookalike sings like hahaha))

Anyway for now I have to concentrate on..... projects. Right. Tomorrow I have a Hiragana test during Japanese class again, and then I have to start on my Graphic Comm project assignments. Designing namecards. Ugh. And then I have to start on my Radio Comm assignment. I am so busy and confused right now I wanna die lol.

I CAN PULL THROUGH THIS. WATCH ME :DDDD

I'm also planning to finally dye my hair pink this saturday!!! Y/y? I don't know if I can stand my red hair anymore. But the moment I think about dyeing it pink, I think about how nice my red hair looks and how much I want to keep it.

DECISIONS.

Life is so hard.

xoxo till next time

Monday, 24 June 2013

Love at first sight + MELT Shipment + Marie's hair

Love

So, today, Rebecca, Charissa, Clara and Sarah came over to my house again to work on our IS project.

Along the way to my house, we discussed about love. Coincidentally, all of us came from girls schools before coming to poly which is mixed, so naturally we have close to little or no experience in love with guys, at all hahaha.

It's really interesting because out of the 5, 3 of us are Christians (not including me) and they have a really strong, faithful outlook on the meaning of love. I myself think love is sacred and to be honest, I'd want to date as few guys as possible before finding the 'one' and getting married. Of course I know that it's impossible, or it can only happen if I'm lucky - because how would you be so sure that the few guys you date will be the 'one' for you in this lifetime? But I don't want to share my heart and love with too many people. Too many heartbreaks. Too much time and effort wasted. And like Charissa mentioned, if you're so young and you get so many heartbreaks, when you grow up, you're going to be doubting love a lot. It's going to take you a whole lot more time to trust people and love them like how you used to, for your first love.

I'm not sure if I've had my first love. I mean, I've crushed on people before... yeah... and I've gotten my heart broken by them. But is that considered as my first love? I mean... I've done nothing with them. No reciprocation, no nothing... I led a period filled with inner turmoil and heartbreak just crushing on people I know will never like me back. And although I went through hell, I don't know if this is the 'hell' that people refer to when getting crushed by your first love. Then again, what really defines a first love? Is a first love just the first person you truly liked, or is your first love the first people who you got into a relationship together with?

If it's the latter, then I'm still considered pure... right? I don't know. Anyway, I am kind of skeptical now about relationships anyway. I know I'm not ready for one and I know I don't have plans to get into one. I just want to focus on my life, my happiness, my health and friends. Although there are times I get really jealous when I see couples cuddling or when I see my friends constantly getting showered attention by their other halves, I still feel like I'm okay on my own. I'm independent. I'm strong. I'm capable. I don't need a boy / guy / man to make me feel complete. :)

I think there is an ideal person everyone wishes for out there. By ideal, I mean expectations... I mean, haven't you fantasized about your perfect partner? I could go on and on about the guy I most want to be with. But I think when it comes down to it, all I really want is someone to take care of me. I'm fragile and vulnerable and you can call me a damsel in distress and a typical bimbo, but all I really want is a sweet person to take care of me. To remember me. To remember everything we do together. To surprise me. To make me feel like he loves me more than I love him. I think that's all I really want. I mean of course his looks, personality, charisma, hobbies etc factors in as well, but... that's what all girls really want, isn't it? Just to have someone take care of them.

I'm going to have a stable, capable job of my own, sure. I can stand up to people and I can make my own decisions. I'll pay my own bills and I'll deal with my own matters. But at the end of the day I just want to be treated like I'm the most precious thing in the world. Maybe it's just in my nature. To look for someone to take care of me. To be cherished and protected. I am a typical princess (and I know alot of people know me by that) but every girl silently just wants someone to love and take care of them, don't they?


I don't know what your idea of a perfect romance looks like. I know every girl has been brought up the same way. We read fairytales. We know of Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel, Belle, Snow White etc the list goes on. Every of those princesses get swept of their feet by their prince charming who saves the day. They come riding on their white horses and they save the princess, kiss them, and marry them, before living happily ever after with them.

And call me cliche, but I always thought that was how romances were supposed to go. Even from dramas, even from romance novels. I always thought I'd meet a guy on the corner of the street, and we'd knock into each other and he'd look up into my eyes and I'd look back and we'd fall in love. Isn't that how romances go?

(Princess Aurora is my favourite princess!)

I know I am delusional. I know how romances work nowadays. You get to know a guy first, you become friends for a period of time, before realising he's a good guy, and you start harbouring feelings for him. Then you confess (this part's the toughest) and then... you date.

But a girl can dream, right? One day, I will be walking down the street and I will not be looking and I will accidentally crash into a guy. And the books in my hand will fall and he will pick them up for me and he will say it's okay and he's not mad at me for knocking into him. He'll turn out to be absolutely gentlemenly and he'll laugh and he'll be perfect. He'll be my prince charming. :)

The first time I heard "The Man Who Can't Be Moved" by The Script, I fell in love with the song. Because it depicts the pure kind of romance I've been dreaming to have all these while.


Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
...
'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

I want to meet someone on the corner of the street too :(

Anyway, enough babbling about my unrealistic expectations of love. No guy is going to date me after reading this post hahaha. I know I am crazy... but whatever, when the time comes, it will come. And maybe by then, the love will be so powerful and haunting and beautiful that I wouldn't want it any other way, not even on the corner of a street anymore. :)

So, here's just a picture from today that I took with Sarah.


I wore my WACK shirt out today to school, which I looove <3 I should wear it more often! I've only worn it twice so far.


(this photo was taken in japan, the day after melt <3)

By the way, got the MELT DVD shipment confirmation today. I'm so excited!!!! If I get it in time, maybe I'll upload it and share it with y'all <3 I love it so much. MELT <3



Also, recently I came across this girl Marie on Facebook. She's part of Andrew&Marie, a duo who sells hair dye online (based in Singapore). I recently bought pink hair dye from them ^__^ Can't wait to do it to my hair soon. Well anyhow, I stumbled across these photos of her and Marie's SO pretty!!!! I wish I was as pretty. Let's end off with some photos of her ^^ 

Till next time, xoxo!